Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Petscan tomorrow!

This won't be long... just a couple thoughts.

Tomorrow is my next petscan, where they'll be able to see how much of the lymphoma is left. I doubt I'll know the results until next week but we'll keep you all posted. I'm really hoping for great news.

I've realized something about myself, though.... which may have affected why I was feeling so emotional (in my previous blog) about reaching my half way point with chemo. I think there's a part of me that's nervous to reach the end of all of this (all my chemo and treatment)... a part that doesn't want to hear that it's all gone and we're all done ONLY BECAUSE then starts the lifelong dread of waiting to hear if the cancer comes back. I know, I know... a twisted way of looking at the end of this. And pointless. And it only brings unnecessary worry and of course all along God is trying to teach me NOT TO WORRY and to put it all in His hands, so what good is choosing to take on the burden of fear and worry when I don't need to? But it was just one of those strange realizations I had about what I was truly feeling... I wasn't sure why I felt discouraged at my half way point and I really think that is a part of it. I want to celebrate (and I will) when I hear it's all gone (and it will be!) but then I'd appreciate the prayers to continue for my peace of mind to be able to live without worry and without constantly thinking of the lymphoma coming back.

But anyway. I've been feeling GREAT lately. Funny how I can feel so low and then the next day feel totally fine and normal. I'm sure thanks to prayers :) I'll admit I'm tired of being bald. It was kind of freeing at first and it's nice that I never have a bad hair day...but I'm kind of tired of feeling like an alien. I miss hair. (but watch, as soon as my hair grows back I'll miss the simplicity of being bald) :) I'll wear my wig occasionally and feel feminine and as soon as I take it off I feel like I remove my gender. It's weird. Poor Liam seems a little confused :) He sees me putting on and taking off my hair and I saw him the other day tugging so hard at his hair as if he was trying to take his off too ;) Too cute.

By the way, thank you to those who have left encouraging comments to our blog posts. We read all of them and they DO encourage us. We feel very loved by all of you.

Live Life -Jonas

Today we voted.  We did our duty as American Citizens and we feel great about it.  I'm really in love with my wife.  With everything that has been going on it has been hard to connect as much as we had hoped.  The kids are obviously a full time job.  Their growing up so fast and their interacting so much with us.  We both love it!  But...it does have an effect on our closeness.  I don't want to drift away from the love of my life ever again.  The harsh realization that came the night we discovered that she had cancer was that I needed to love better.  I've been working very hard on that.  We certainly have come so far to a place where we both are head over heels for each other.  It's kind of gross.  LOL  But the enemy wants to tear us apart.  We notice it here b/c we're in the middle of this crisis but every marriage is under attack.  Marriage was established by God.  It's an institution that is founded on the principles of God and His church.  Therefore we can only expect that the enemy is going to work hard on breaking it apart.  Looking at the statistics of divorce in our country shows that enemy has done a pretty good job.  We have been so stressed about our finances, even though un-believable gifts have been given to us. You know how it goes if you breath, LOL, bills just keep coming.  I do not want our petty, lack of trust in an amazing God, to un-hindge our relationship.  No matter where you are in your lives please don't allow your relationships to fail because of simple neglect.  Love is eternal and carries such weight.   Don't wait until you're brought to your knees by a scary situation.  You can love now, you can show your partner that you are not going to allow the circumstances of this life to destroy the institution that God established for your life.  You deserve JOY, PEACE, and LOVE.  Really living life will result in a change of your perspective.  It certainly has started to change mine.  Looking forward to hearing all that God is doing amongst you all.  I know He's doing something.

I say all of this to say...I love my wife. :)