Tuesday, August 28, 2012

A Husband's Perspective

    Today was a good day for my beautiful bride.  Nothing makes me feel better than watching her interact with the boys and look happy and healthy.  As a husband, as a man, as a sinner, I find myself wanting to fix anything and everything that goes wrong in my life and in my families life.  When I get tight financially I can go out and pick up a side job, if things go wrong with my house I can physically fix the issue.  When my wife was diagnosed with cancer I could do NOTHING.  I've never felt so useless and defeated as I did when I heard that news.  I'm still coming to grips with the lack of control that I have over this situation.  It's easy to say that God is in control when you have a little bit of the control still.  I feel like I'm learning about myself again.  I feel like I'm learning more about my wife.  I'm seeing her as a vibrant, powerful warrior.  She's this petite, gorgeous, sophisticated, spiritual woman, and yet she shines with such radiant power right now.  She'll disagree with me on that for sure.
    I led worship tonight at a small group.  I felt strange leaving Becky home with the boys, even if for a short time.  As I was there in the middle of worship I heard my wife's words echo in my head.  Don't worry about this situation, just WORSHIP GOD because He is in control.  So...I did.  What a release!  Coming home tonight was fantastic.  Having her greet me with eyes so bright and a spirit so gentle.  I guess I'm saying that I'm falling in love with all the little pieces of my wife that I didn't know I loved.  I actually felt a sense of gratefulness tonight.  I actually thanked God for this process.  Without this cancer, I wouldn't have known how amazing my wife truly is.  What a shameful thing for me to type here, but it's true.  She has gone on being amazing but I haven't recognized it like I should have.  Thank you Jesus for this trial.  I will not waste it.


  1. I want to thank you and Becky for sharing your lives so openly over these last few weeks - you guys have been such a blessing to me, to look at my petty little problems, kids starting school and me having to get up earlier than normal, husband's lack of job's and income at times.... it all pales in comparison to what you, Becky and the kids are going through. My family and I pray for you guys each and every day, and I cry almost every day with love and compassion for you both. I wish I lived closer so I could help out more. Love in Jesus from The Blalocks

  2. So blessed to have read this tonight....jonas....opens my eyes to see how we just sometimes live each day....not in appreciation of all the little things. Thanks for sharing....continued prayer for Becky...and you...and the boys.

  3. I'm praying for you guys and thinking of you everyday. May God's healing come quickly and restore health to Becky. May God's peace overcome your entire family.