Once again our sweet, precious one year old woke up at 4am and wouldn't go back down!!!!! so I'll do my best to share my thoughts and have them make sense. It'll be short, just wanted to share something I read in my devotional.
The author is talking about how there are times in our lives when we are dodging baseballs...all the things life throws at us. Financial problems, depression, marital problems, disease, etc. She goes on to say " at these times, I felt I needed God to be my catcher, standing not behind the plate but in front of me keeping me safe. But sometimes God allows us to get hit by what life throws at us, for he knows that without adversity we cannot become more like him."
That really stuck with me. I had always been praying for God to mold me into someone who reflects Him in all that I do. Did I want the answer to that prayer to be going through a scary disease? No! (and not to say that I am now like God in all I do...SO FAR FROM IT!!!!!!) But it's definitely pointed my priorities, my thoughts, etc in the right direction and off of my own selfishness and worldly plans and desires. I've said this before but I do trust God. I know He only wants what's best for me and if that means going through this, I gladly will go through it because I know He's right next to me holding my hand...and sometimes carrying me. And I WILL get through this and maybe someday when I meet Him face to face He can better explain to me why this was the best plan :).
"We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." (Romans 5:3-4)
By the way... I'm feeling great so far!!!! Thank you for your prayers! Last cycle was such a different experience at this point due to me being in the hospital and not sleeping for 5 days, me getting over pneumonia, having my heart recently drained of fluid.... I was so tired. This time I've felt GREAT! I feel like I'm waiting for the day when it hits me and I'm WIPED out and that might still come any day now but maybe not :). I'm just GRATEFUL for having energy and having a good time with my family while they're here.
Did Jonas mention he shaved my head? Not with an electric razor but a handheld one with shaving cream? SCARY! My hair had started to fall out in patches so it needed to be done but it's funny how different I feel no longer having stubble to hide under. NOW I feel like an alien :) Or a roll on deodorant! :) I guess before I could have passed as someone with an odd choice of a hairstyle as a fashion statement but now it's pretty obvious I'm a cancer patient. Just weird. Didn't think a millimeter of hair would make me feel so vulnerable.
And as far as prayer requests.... seriously... PLEASE PRAY LIAM SLEEPS!!!! He's not been sleeping well at all this week and the waking up at 4 and 5am is killing us (more specifically killing Jonas since he's been amazing enough to get up with them in the mornings). We'd SO appreciate prayer with sleep in our kiddos so we can catch up on our rest.
THANK YOU ALL! And THANK you to those who are consistently lifting me (us) up in prayer, even when things seem to be going well. Please keep praying :) God is GOOD and I know he hears every prayer.