I've had enough of cancer! more prayers needed

I just got a call from my mom today informing me that she has breast cancer.

URGH! Now I'm on the side of stressing and worrying over someone I love dealing with this. It's different when you're the one going through it. I kept thinking "Thank God it's me and not anyone else in my family! I don't think I could handle the stress of it happening to a family member" but... apparently now I have to once again remind myself of how big God is and how he is still above cancer. My mind tries to panic me into thinking that breast cancer is so much more serious than my lymphoma, but nothing is too big or scary for God. God has been healing me of my form of cancer and he can do the same with my mom if he chooses, and I pray that she will FULLY recover QUICKLY! PLEASE pray with me for that. And for WISDOM for the doctors (one of her doctors had told her she could wait a few months to see if maybe her mysterious cyst area was cancerous or not and I'm SO glad she decided to go ahead and get the biopsy and not wait!) She says she's not afraid of cancer. And a lot of that has to do with me having gone through my journey and she sees that I'm fine and not as horrible as it could have been. Everyone's journey will be different but I'm glad she's feeling peace! That helps me feel peace. But she IS afraid of pain. She has a very low pain tolerance and is more concerned about the pain from surgery, procedures, etc... so as little as that might seem, please do pray that she doesn't feel that much pain. We've been SOOOO blessed with people who have donated to us and helped us cover our finances and bills due during our time, so please pray that God will provide for their EVERY financial need as well. It's never easy on a missionary's budget. I know they have a wonderful, caring church family that I trust will surround them and help them as needed just as our church family helped us out. And I thank you all in advance for covering my mom in prayers too! Man am I sick of hearing of cancer popping up everywhere! But God is still worthy of our praise. He can still make something beautiful out of this, even if we never see it. I trust Him.

I'm including a picture of my mom and I. (and Hunter)
- Becky

Good News all Around by JONAS

It's been a while since we've posted on here.  I'm sure that can be torture but truthfully life started to fall back to normal for a while.  Becky has been feeling really healthy lately.  She is still handling the chemo with relative ease.  She still has dizzy spells from time to time but only 4 to 5 days after her doses.  We're going into her 6th chemo session tomorrow. She'll have 2 more after that!!!! Wow, that's amazing how fast it has gone by.  Please continue to pray that she gets through these sessions easily.  We feel so blessed to have you all praying for us as we drudge through this journey.

THE GOOD NEWS is (insert drum roll).....Becky's last Dr. appt showed that she was 99.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999%  CANCER FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The Dr. saw some inflammation from the chemo.  He's confident that it is not cancer but he, of course, won't take any chances.  So she is going to finish out her schedule chemo sessions.  We are over the moon about this news.  It has taken such a huge weight off our shoulders.

NOW PLEASE PRAY THAT IT NEVER RETURNS.  This will be the unfortunate burden that we'll carry from here on out.

This past weekend we spent our Saturday night performing at a benefit concert for a family in need.  We had a blast performing and ministering to a full house at "the Stable" in Chelmsford, MA.  Turns out that the entire night was orchestrated by our friends Kurt and Stefani to benefit US!  What?!!!  I thought we were playing a concert for some "other" family.  Weird moment.  We felt so blessed.  Wow, we love you all.

Here are few little snipits into our lives here at the Woods house.  Hunter turned 5 years old the other day.  What an awesome milestone.  Becky and I are shocked that we have a 5 year old.  NUTS.   Liam has learned to kiss with his lips smacking.  It's adorable as he kisses basically everything now.  Becky's hair is working super hard to grow.  Despite the chemo Becky has almost one inch peach fuzz all over her head.  It's pretty funny how it's fighting so hard to grow.  She's adorable as usual.

I broke down after being pressured by Becky and the kids to buy Christmas deer antlers and a big red nose to go on our vehicle.  To be honest, it's hard not to want to crawl into a hole when I'm driving it around.  They love it though.  I guess it's all about the memories.  I'll certainly remember this one.  This one will be logged in my brain as "the year Dad was made to feel stupid."  MMMMMM, good times.

Thanks for your continued prayers as we get through this next season and into the Spring.  The Dr. told us that Becky would be good to start to tour again with me in March.  This is HUGE news!  Becky, with exception to a few shows here and there, hasn't sung with me for almost 6 months.  (Shameless plug)  help us find concerts so that we can hit the road hard when March rolls around.  We are back to music full time but need help to keep us there in full time ministry.  We're traveling with the kids.  We just can't wait.

Please have an amazing Christmas season!!!!!

JONAS

Petscan tomorrow!

This won't be long... just a couple thoughts.

Tomorrow is my next petscan, where they'll be able to see how much of the lymphoma is left. I doubt I'll know the results until next week but we'll keep you all posted. I'm really hoping for great news.

I've realized something about myself, though.... which may have affected why I was feeling so emotional (in my previous blog) about reaching my half way point with chemo. I think there's a part of me that's nervous to reach the end of all of this (all my chemo and treatment)... a part that doesn't want to hear that it's all gone and we're all done ONLY BECAUSE then starts the lifelong dread of waiting to hear if the cancer comes back. I know, I know... a twisted way of looking at the end of this. And pointless. And it only brings unnecessary worry and of course all along God is trying to teach me NOT TO WORRY and to put it all in His hands, so what good is choosing to take on the burden of fear and worry when I don't need to? But it was just one of those strange realizations I had about what I was truly feeling... I wasn't sure why I felt discouraged at my half way point and I really think that is a part of it. I want to celebrate (and I will) when I hear it's all gone (and it will be!) but then I'd appreciate the prayers to continue for my peace of mind to be able to live without worry and without constantly thinking of the lymphoma coming back.

But anyway. I've been feeling GREAT lately. Funny how I can feel so low and then the next day feel totally fine and normal. I'm sure thanks to prayers :) I'll admit I'm tired of being bald. It was kind of freeing at first and it's nice that I never have a bad hair day...but I'm kind of tired of feeling like an alien. I miss hair. (but watch, as soon as my hair grows back I'll miss the simplicity of being bald) :) I'll wear my wig occasionally and feel feminine and as soon as I take it off I feel like I remove my gender. It's weird. Poor Liam seems a little confused :) He sees me putting on and taking off my hair and I saw him the other day tugging so hard at his hair as if he was trying to take his off too ;) Too cute.

By the way, thank you to those who have left encouraging comments to our blog posts. We read all of them and they DO encourage us. We feel very loved by all of you.
Becky

Live Life -Jonas

Today we voted.  We did our duty as American Citizens and we feel great about it.  I'm really in love with my wife.  With everything that has been going on it has been hard to connect as much as we had hoped.  The kids are obviously a full time job.  Their growing up so fast and their interacting so much with us.  We both love it!  But...it does have an effect on our closeness.  I don't want to drift away from the love of my life ever again.  The harsh realization that came the night we discovered that she had cancer was that I needed to love better.  I've been working very hard on that.  We certainly have come so far to a place where we both are head over heels for each other.  It's kind of gross.  LOL  But the enemy wants to tear us apart.  We notice it here b/c we're in the middle of this crisis but every marriage is under attack.  Marriage was established by God.  It's an institution that is founded on the principles of God and His church.  Therefore we can only expect that the enemy is going to work hard on breaking it apart.  Looking at the statistics of divorce in our country shows that enemy has done a pretty good job.  We have been so stressed about our finances, even though un-believable gifts have been given to us. You know how it goes if you breath, LOL, bills just keep coming.  I do not want our petty, lack of trust in an amazing God, to un-hindge our relationship.  No matter where you are in your lives please don't allow your relationships to fail because of simple neglect.  Love is eternal and carries such weight.   Don't wait until you're brought to your knees by a scary situation.  You can love now, you can show your partner that you are not going to allow the circumstances of this life to destroy the institution that God established for your life.  You deserve JOY, PEACE, and LOVE.  Really living life will result in a change of your perspective.  It certainly has started to change mine.  Looking forward to hearing all that God is doing amongst you all.  I know He's doing something.

I say all of this to say...I love my wife. :)

-JONAS

My struggles- Becky

I don't know what it is about the past week, but I'll admit I've struggled. I've felt a little more nausea this time around, although I wasn't sick or anything. I just had that constant gross feeling in my chest that made me JUST miserable enough to not enjoy my day. But honestly, when I think of how small that side affect is compared to what so many people experience with their chemo, I feel like a fool for complaining. But since this is my blog :) I'm going to be honest with what's been hard for me, regardless of how minor it probably is. And I'll be honest, I've had a tough week with not feeling great and then feeling almost depressed for no apparent reason.

I had a shot given this past week to help keep my immune system a little stronger since my count went down to zero last cycle. They warned me I could get flu like symptoms and maybe achy with the shot and honestly it's not been bad at all. I did have a few achy moments but nothing awful. It's just when the minor achy-ness piles up with the minor nausea I've been feeling, plus the lack of sleep, plus the emotional unbalance I've had lately...all at once! And let's discuss my emotional unbalance while we're at it. My poor husband.... I have been a wreck lately with feeling weepy for no good reason. I guess it didn't help that last night when I sat down all excited to have a night to myself and looked forward to watching Say Yes to the Dress that the episode was about the salon owner discovering she had cancer. I cried through the whole show. I think I was needing some kind of an excuse to release my emotions anyway, since so much of my time is spent with my kids and I feel I need to keep it together for them. Although, most of the time I don't feel like I have the need to cry. It surprises me with how the tears come so easily when I'm alone. So lastnight's girl night (Jonas was at a Chris Tomlin concert) turned out to be a rather depressing night of tears and puffy eyes and tons of kleenex. I slept horribly lastnight as well, not sure if that was due to the thoughts that started swimming around in my head after going to bed with cancer on my mind or if it was the steroids I've had to take... or the mild achy-ness keeping me up, but restless nights are miserable. Today I was so stir crazy and so tired of my routine.... I went up to Jonas and passionately expressed to him, "I am OUT OF MY MIND bored and it's making me crazy inside! I literally feel angry over how bored I am and I want to break into tears!" He just blinked at me with a very confused, concerned look on his face. Probably afraid of what my steroids would say next. :) So I got out of the house for a couple hours and somehow managed to find my happy self again. Or a somewhat happier version of me. I admit, I'm still moody and at risk of breaking into tears at ANY second over ANYTHING. Be warned.

Here's the thing. I KNOW that in order to keep the doubts away, in order to keep my mind from feeling anxiety, in order for me to avoid allowing depression sneak in, and in order for me to feel close to God and to be reminded of his purpose for me through all of this I NEED to be in His WORD! I need to be spending time with Him! But am I? Not like I need to be. I will try to dwell on the encouraging scripture that friends and family pass on to me but that's not enough. If I want to know Jesus better each day and feel his presence and feel like my focus is in the right spot and feel His peace, I need to stop giving my silly excuses (like being too tired, like being too busy with kids and babies) and start disciplining my time better and prioritizing my relationship with God! How interesting it is when a "tragedy" first happens to you how quickly you run to God and know exactly what you need to do, but then as time passes and things ease up and seem a little more normal, God starts taking a back seat again to life. I get so mad at myself every day for allowing this pattern to continue when I KNOW BETTER! It reminds me of one of the most confusing verses in the bible :) I'll just recap some of it:

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.........As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no , the evil I do not want to do- this I keep on doing......" (Rom 7:15-20) And so on!!

I don't want to waste this time and this journey that I"m on. I want to grow and learn more about God and how good He is and what higher purpose He has for us through this. I want to be transformed and taken past my fears and doubts. I want to be an example to my kids of a GODLY parent that is always modeling for them a passion for Christ, even in my quiet moments at home and with how I choose to spend my time. So you can pray for that for Jonas and I. And please pray for my emotions to KNOCK IT OFF and return to normalcy :) so that I don't struggle with moments of numbness or moodiness. I want and need the joy of the Lord to fill me and I could use prayers for me getting my priorities on the right track again concerning spending time with THE SOURCE of joy.

 I thought once I reached the half way point of my treatment I'd feel thrilled but instead I almost feel overwhelmed that I still have all that time left to go before I'm done. And, I'm still trying to pray against the fear of it coming back. I KNOW people have encouraged me with how they had their cancer come back but fought it again and are now cancer free, but I DO NOT want to hear the word cancer again in my future EVER! I'm trying to give this worry up to God completely but it's hard for me.

Anyway. I'm starting to ramble. Thank you again for praying. I need it. This time might be more of an emotional struggle for me but I so appreciate your prayers for me feeling great and staying happy and positive.

Becky

Blessings

I apologize for us not keeping up that well with the blog for those of you who check it regularly. (I'm assuming someone reads this blog still?) :)

I'm just having a good day and am so thankful for all of God's blessings. Jonas and I were talking lastnight about how God has gone above and beyond anything we could have expected with providing for our every need. Before we even ask, it's provided! It continues to amaze us and to confirm to us that God has this all in His hands, it's all within His plan, and we are to just sit back and trust Him. And again, thank you to all who have given to help us out. It's humbling how God speaks to others on our behalf and to see such generosity and love as it's shared with us.

I've been feeling GREAT. I have nothing to compare it to in terms of what others with my kind of lymphoma or medications feel like... but aside from my dizzy days a few weeks ago, I've felt 100% normal. No weakness, no exhaustion, no dizziness... I feel SO blessed that God is helping me in that area as well. I start my 4th round of chemo on Tuesday and soon after I think I should have a petscan again to see the progress of my treatment.

Liam is starting to heal up. He still has a runny nose but he's back to his normal cute self. I avoided him as long as I could but a few days ago I couldn't take it anymore and had to start holding him again. And again, I'm amazed that I'm not sick! I had NO IMMUNE SYSTEM right when Liam got sick and then Jonas got sick! But God protected me and I'm fine! (as far as I know) :)

I'll leave with these verses:
"But you are a shield around me, O Lord; You bestow glory on me and lift up my head." Psalm 3:3

"But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous; You surround them with your favor as with a shield." Psalm 5:11-12

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song." Psalm 28:7

Thank you to all who keep us in your prayers!!

Becky

Our Little Fella

Please pray for Liam if you would.  He's got a cold for sure.  He has a runny nose and a cough and unfortunately a temperament to match.  Because of Becky's low white blood cell counts right now she can't get sick, not even a little.  Her white blood cells help fight off sickness.  Without them, even the smallest sniffle can become a major issue.  Pray that God would surround her with His protection and that Hunter and I would steer clear from it too.  It'll be hard to do seeing as how I'll need to be with him and comfort him while he gets through this.

Other than that we've been relatively ok.  Still pretty exhausted and drained but Becky has felt ok for the most part.  Her dizzy spells seem to have calmed a bit.  As for the rest of us....we're hanging in there.  We're trusting that God would continue to provide and begin to reveal to us some of the "big picture."

Jonas